Before Kids V After Kids

Woohoo!  Finally I am now legally of an age where I can drink copious amounts of alcohol and get disapproving looks from my family as I stumble through the door at 7am. 

“Mum I'm off out again”. 

I was gone, without a backward glance, off to the next party, out to spend the contents of my pay packet, no responsibilities and no cares. 

Now, If ever we want to leave the house, we need at least two hours planning and one hours  preparation. We need to know exactly where we are going and how long for, in order that we can pack the endless number of items that we require, including the travel cot; pushchair; baby food; nappies and extra clothing. (And this is if we only go and visit my mum for a few hours). We have to get up early otherwise by the time we leave the house it will be time to come home. I need to make sure the house is tidy before we go out anywhere because I cannot stand coming home to an untidy house. Bottles need to be prepared; beds need to be ready to jump into, in order to go straight to sleep, pyjamas can be taken with us (if we are having a late night) so the kids are ready for bed as soon as we get home. By late night I mean we are home by 8pm. 

N.B. Wherever we go, as soon as we start unpacking the car, we get the comment “You moving in?” Ha ha, not heard that before.

I would wake from the previous night’s partying, probably a weekend, and I would carry on drinking, with my girls. “Shall we go to the pub?” Tequila shots, Jäger Bombs, Goldschlager, you name it we drank it. Hangover next morning, what hangover? non existent, two hours sleep feels like 12 hours, fresh as a daisy, that will last me for the next 48 hours.

Drinking and partying, did still exist after having just the one child, the hangovers weren't great but bearable with just one. Now if we have a few drinks the night before, with 2 children, I think we will have a hangover for 3 days and our Kids probably would have gone off to fend for themselves, or called grandma for an S.O.S. I say 'think' because we haven't done it, yet. I say yet because, you never know what may happen, but I can imagine it would never end well. Plus grandparents are grand at looking after one child for the night, but 2? Just cut your losses there, it is never going to happen.

Single friends now no longer exist, we have family friends, that's it. This is now our life, they have kids we have kids. They will either all come to ours with their kids or we go to theirs. Again, see the above planning on what we need to do to make this work. Having a conversation with said friends consists of interrupting yourself or your friends by shouting at your children to stop writing on the walls or sneezing on your friends child. 

“Do you want a drink, Florence?”

“Sure, what have you got?”

“We have tea; coffee; juice; water or there is an old bottle of whisky here”. 

“Cup of tea will be grand, 2 Sweeteners though please I’m trying to curb the sugar”. 

I have to leave half the cup of tea, because I’m trying to prise my son away from my friends son (in the process getting an elbow in my eye).

“Gosh! Is that the time? (8 p.m.) we should really be getting off now”.

N.B. It will take me an hour to repack the car with all the aforementioned items yet, unsurprisingly, when I get  home I realise I have still left something behind.

“Want to go out for dinner, tonight?” 

“Of course, lets go.”

“Where shall we go?”

“Anywhere, lets just drive around and see whats about, we have enough time, I'll just go and get ready” 

Four  hours later, looking glam, taking my time finding a restaurant then deciding what to eat, a 3 course meal, chatting to my friends, taking  3 hours to eat, we have so much time on our hands. 

“Want to go out dancing afterwards.”

“Sure, lets go”.

Several hours later the clubs are shutting, time to go home. Two hours sleep then it starts all over again.

“Darling shall we go out for dinner in two weeks time?”

“Sure, where shall we go?”

“I'll look and see whats about and book a table.”

However, phoning up and booking a table isn’t so straightforward, we have to make sure they have a high chair and a kids menu, nowhere too posh. We end up going to the  local pub down the road. 

We find it necessary to order everything at super speed, requesting the kids food be brought out with our starters as soon as they can. We also request the colouring book and crayons, hoping to keep the children quiet for the seemingly endless wait.

My partner and I did manage to go out once for a meal on our own, about 2 years ago, it was lovely. But we haven't dined out since. I can't think why ? 

“Just going to give my friend a call, I haven't seen her for a couple of days”.

Two hours later, “omg we have been on the phone for two hours  and 21 minutes, I should really go and get some dinner, bye.”

The phone never rings. I either text if its quick or use voice note. There is no in between. That's it. Face time consists of speaking when the kids are in bed or I have a video call with my son’s snotty face butting in, in front  of the camera staring at the person your talking to. “Say hi to Grandma.” He sits there his tongue swinging out of his mouth, his eyes rolling. I spend the next five minutes trying to get him to talk, and not to be rude. 

TIP: Wait till the children are in bed, it is much easier. 

“I'm just going to stay at my friends house tonight mum, we are going out and having a few drinks and it will be easier to stay at hers, she is within walking distance of the club.”

After an argument with my partner.

“Im staying at mums tonight, I dont want to listen to your rubbish, I am sick of it.”.

Slams door in anger, opens it again, comes back in and realises I cant leave, on the spur of the moment, I have responsibilities.

Sit in the bathroom for half an hour reading my phone messages; facebook; flicking through pictures of people i don’t get on with; having a stalk to see what they all get up to; gossiping about them to friends and having a laugh. Not a care in the world. Free time. My best thoughts happened whilst I was in the bathroom.

Going to the loo now either consists of my young son crawling into the bathroom with me or my older son knocking on the door while i’m trying to do my business and asking the most ridiculous of questions. Sometimes, if I have enough warning, I may be able to put the little one in his walker giving strict instructions to his older brother to leave him in there, or tape him to the wall, (use strong duct tape). Another solution is holding my  baby with one arm while using the other hand to wipe, but this is a last resort.(Trust me, I have definitely done this a few times)  No free hand available to hold that mobile phone and stalking doesn't exist anymore. With one kid it was still do-able, but with two kids it’s impossible. 

I could eat anything, anytime, I never put on weight, quite a tall lass, so eating Mcdonalds a few times a week or twice in one day was always okay, weight was never gained. Rubbish would sit in my car, fries wrappers, the straw from the coke etc were always thrown in my car and would remain in there for weeks. Crisps and chocolate were always eaten without a thought.

Now my car is full of baby essentials and items that keep my six year old happy. Not a McDonald’s or chocolate wrapper in sight. If I fancy some chocolate I either have to lock myself in the utility room or wait until the kids are in bed, I dont like waiting so utility it is, not the best environment, surrounded by washing, but I want chocolate.

I think most parents automatically eat food quickly, even if its hot and you burn your mouth, there is no time to eat slowly because, as soon as that first mouthful goes in, your baby will either start to cry or wake up from his nap, having gone down just half an hour previous. You have to either eat at the same time as the kids or eat quite late at night, not recommended when your bedtime, being so early, follows so closely behind. 

I had no responsibilities, I didn’t even pay rent to my parents (I know i was very lucky); I had a car; I could eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, I could go out at any time; I could see whoever I liked, whenever I liked; I could ring someone up and have the longest conversation ever; I could drink as much as I liked, not encountering any side effects, and still feel fresh, still able to concentrate on my work, I even studied for and got an NVQ in childcare.

I have two little humans to look after and a larger human, a house to clean, food to cook, dirty washing that needs to be clean, WE HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES. It is insane, writing this and reading it back how care free and naive I was, I had no worries, money was never an issue, I had it, I spent it on having a good time. It was all mine.

Now money is the biggest worry we have, have we got enough to last us the month? 

Although my teenage years probably didn’t last as long as I thought they would, I had fun. I have many happy memories although, partying from Thursday through until Sunday, possibly even until Monday (if it was a bank holiday), some are a little vague. I would be lying if i said that it was the life I still wanted to be living.

Being a mother is difficult, being a single mother is difficult, being in a team as a parent is super difficult, but it is something I wouldn't want to change (maybe a small amount on the parenting side) but I love being a parent, and I love not being able to use the bathroom in peace.

Love me x